Deciding on how many children should of course be a joint decision. There are a lot of factors to consider when thinking about it though and it is a good idea to consider them all before you decide on whether to have one or more.
Cost – Cost is a big consideration with children. Each one will cost you more money. Even if they have hand me down toys and clothing, they will still need feeding and there will always be new things that they will need. Most families will be able to just about manage another child, but think about what you will have to go without to afford them. It could mean that you will not be able to have family holidays, Birthday treats, eat out so often and things like that. Decide whether it is fair on you and the other children as to whether this will deprive them of things that would enhance their lives. Obviously, children bring a lot of joy to their parents and hopefully to each other as well, but missing out on things due to them being too expensive can make life less fun. If they have to miss out on necessities then it can be even more difficult.
Space – The more children you have, the more space you will need to accommodate them. They will need somewhere to sleep so you will need room for a bed for them. They will also need room to play and later to sit in your reception rooms. As they get older, they may also need a desk to work at for studying and that will take up room too. It could mean that you will need to find a larger home. This means that you will have to pay more in rent or mortgage and even if you get help with these they will still cost more money to heat and take more time to keep clean and tidy. You may need to pay out more to maintain a bigger home as well. You may also need to get a larger car if your family do not all fit in the one you have or perhaps a second car so you can take two vehicles when you travel, which will cost more.
Time – Having children takes up time. There are always things to do for them even as they get older. Whether it is directly caring for them, doing the school run, taking them to places or playing with them or indirectly such as cleaning up after them or doing their washing. It is important to think about how much time you have and whether you will have more available to be able to commit to an extra child. There is no doubt that you will find enough love for them, but splitting time with another child could mean that you will not have enough time for your other children or perhaps for yourself or your spouse/partner.
Patience – Children do test our patience at times and the more we have, the more of a challenge that can be! This means that you should have a think about this and how you manage your emotions when around the children. It is worth noting that they do not all behave the same as well, so if you have one that is really good at the moment, it does not mean that you will have another one the same.
Sleep – A new baby will always bring sleepless nights. This can be okay for a while, but if you have to get up next day and deal with another child it can be more difficult. If you have already had one child, you may now have coping methods in place that can help you. However, each child is different and not everything will work for every child.
It might seem a bit clinical making a decision in this logical way. It can feel like there is no love in the decision but there really is. You need to think about whether having another child will impact the family, whether it will make others feel less loved or a bit left out. You also need to think about yourself and the impact it will have on you. You need to make sure you have time to care for yourself and that will mean that you will be able to be a better parent as a result.
By having a little but of time to yourself and a decent amount of sleep it means that you can recharge and have more energy to deal with the pressures of parenting. Being a better parent can sometimes mean just spreading yourself a little less thinly and then there is more time to take joy in the moment.